I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
