hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
