Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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