the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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