so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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