my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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