You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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