Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
