Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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