So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
