I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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