it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
