Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
