trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
