Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
