New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
