i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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