The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
