I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
