Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
