Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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