i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
