If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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