halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
