My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
two words: eviction party
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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