is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize