No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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