So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
