I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
