Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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