I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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