i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
