i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
