I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
