pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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