he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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