Who wears a wallet chain?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
