I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
