She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
