the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
