it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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