Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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