Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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