im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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