so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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