At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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