on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
