i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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