Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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