Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
