Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
