I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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