My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
