I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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