thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
