I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
