it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
