I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
