I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
