I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
