i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
