Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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