So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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