I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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