There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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