To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
