My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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