She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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