nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
