Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
