she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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