He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
