Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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