Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that sheโs hooked up with two of the same ones.
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