Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
