Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
