the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
