You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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