FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
