Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
