Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
